14 of the funniest tweets about drinking

1. Round and round…

You’re drunk and trying to outrun the cops on horseback but they eventually catch you because it turns out you’re just on a carousel

— Retired Zoologist (@SortaBad) 6 June 2015

We’ve all got ‘that friend’ who could’ve very easily been the author of this fantastic tweet.

2. Those famous last words

“I can do that. Hold my beer” – My last words, probably.

— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) 18 June 2013

The queen of Twitter comedy, Anna Kendrick, is responsible for launching some of the best one-liners out into the Twitter-sphere. Her ability to articulate thoughts that make you nod in agreement every single time is beyond us, so we simply can’t get enough of her!

3. Don’t drink and train!

If training for a triathlon doesn’t include drinking margaritas and taking naps then that clearly explains why I’m not in training

— Girld’s Backyard™ (@envydatropic) 13 mars 2015

Everyone that has ever tried to train for any kind of sporting endeavour will relate strongly to this one. Weekends are for resting, – not running – so grab a mate, crash on the sofa and partake in your favourite tipple!

4. Nicely done, Drunk Mike

How I significantly improved my Netflix pic.twitter.com/8EMjBI3PM1

— shut up, mike ginn (@shutupmikeginn) 6 May 2015

Mike’s definitely on to something here. How many times have you gone to resume your favourite crime series on Netflix only to discover that your ‘Recommended’ list is full of bizarre foreign French films and every drag-related show ever made? We’d like to keep our drunk antics separate from our sober ones, and now we can!

5. The Circle of Wine

So much of being an adult is bringing a bottle of wine someone brought to your house to someone else’s house

— emily axford (@eaxford) 25 July 2015

So much truth in such a short tweet. It’s like some bottles are just destined to an infinite loop of dinner party musical chairs.

6. I did that?!

Hearing about what you did drunk is great because you’re the main character in a story you’ve never heard.

— Interesting Facts (@neverknownfacts) 19 September 2016

Some say that a touch of memory loss is part of the fun of drinking, which in this case, may actually be true. Who doesn’t love hearing a story about themselves, especially for the first time? Let’s just hope it was a funny one…

7. The riddle master!

apparently i tried to log in to my online banking when i was drunk pic.twitter.com/s6JGqmSU7d

— jon hendren, pleasant genious with a heart of gold (@fart) 19 September 2016

Internet banking can be tricky at the best of times, but when you try to combine authorisation codes with whiskey sours (and the accompanying blurry vision), you’re bound to get stuck. Luckily, it’s probably for the best. Otherwise, you’d probably be buying the whole bar another round, while you’re in the ‘generous’ stage of tipsy.

8. The time when sober you is proud of drunk you…

Every time I wake up in the morning after a night of drinking and I have my phone and wallet, I wonder what I did to deserve such a thing.

— Ashly Perez (@itsashlyperez) 16 October 2015

Any frequent drinker will recall that moment of panic when you first wake up and are trying to locate your valuables, which is soon followed by the sweet relief of finding them and drifting back to sleep. It’s all part of the drinking experience!

9. …And the time when sober you is not so proud of drunk you!

I’ve been puking all morning… At what point am I aloud to stop calling this a hangover and just declare myself a fountain?

— Brett Osinoff (@BrettOsinoff) 22 March 2015

This tweet might just turn us off drinking forever. Comedian Brett Osinoff made us cringe, laugh, and slightly gag simultaneously, something that isn’t all that easy to do. If you’ve ever felt like this, maybe it’s time to cut back on the cosmos.

10. ‘Brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack…’

You know you’re hungover when you brush your teeth with your sunglasses on.

— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) 27 January 2014

Another relatable cracker from the ever-hilarious star. If you ever ‘wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy’, then you definitely know what Anna is talking about here.

11. Every woman out there can relate to this

Alcohol is like a push-up bra for your personality.

— Nicole Betz (@TomHanksIsHot) 21 April 2012

Alcohol affects us all in different ways. Some become soppy, some like to pick a fight, and some become the life of the party. It’s a perfect analogy.

12. When it’s time to leave

when u get too drunk at the club and everyone is like ummm lets get u home pic.twitter.com/bQLMVMLqTv

— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) 14 June 2015

‘Nothing good ever happens after 3:00am’ is a phrase that often rings true, but there’s always at least one person who just doesn’t know when to call it a night. This tweet is so relatable that it’s not even funny.

13. The wine connoisseur

Ahhh yes of course, I adore wine. I especially love [looks down at bottle of Pinot Grigio] peanut Gregorio

— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) 19 janvier 2015

We at World’s Best Bars know our malbecs from our merlots, although, that’s not always been the case. Here’s a flashback to your early drinking days. And don’t worry, even the most knowledgeable of drinkers have made similar gaffes. A tweet to make you chuckle, indeed!

14. So many cocktails, so little time!

You should serioulsy ask that to every bartender you see tonight! Happy Friday!! pic.twitter.com/zrhBrZ7sH2

— World’s Best Bars (@WorldsBestBars) November 17, 2017

And one from yours truly to finish off the list! Seriously though… only 1 hour?

We hope you enjoyed our list! And who knows? Maybe your next night out will result in a funny tweet (or two) that’s worthy of being on here!

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